Fat "Guard" In A Little Suit

So the title of this post is a little spin-off of the memorable quote from Tommy Boy. Now, not only does the title pretty much sum up my feelings of my lifeguard uniform, but also gives some introduction to a small, somewhat chubzy, blonde-haired ball of menace. To describe this child it would be best to say that he is a combination of Dennis the Menace and a young Chris Farley.

To begin the list of Chris Farley Jr.'s antics, let me tell you that I foresee this child being a frequent visitor (much to my, and every Running Man resident's, dismay). Yesterday, this child single-handedly harassed three 17 year olds out of the pool. With Crayola Water Cannon in hand, he was unstoppable. Terrorizing every other child in the pool wasn't enough for CFJ, oh no. He decided to test his luck and try to spray me. Uhm, excuse me kid, can't you see that I am completely disinterested in you (lifeguard of the year, huh?). After minutes of death stare, Tommy Boy gets the idea and splashes away. Five minutes of daydreaming later (I mean, really, I am a shoo-in for that lifeguard award) and CFJ come back to inform me that "I cannot get out of the pool as easy in the deep end because.. because.. there is a step missing." (Apparently this child thinks that I am some sort of Mason or something). Just as I am about to tell this child that he probably shouldn't even be in the deep end to begin with, his mother calls him to get out of the pool. HOORAH! ...wait, what did his mom say?

"Tommy, get out of the pool, we're going home!"

Yeah, Little Tommy Boy's name is ACTUALLY Tommy.